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Logies 2013 – Fashion Wrap

April 8, 2013

Before I start I would just like to get any of my friends off the hook for passing on this link or directing you here…first of all the opinions I have do NOT in any way represent those of my friends or colleagues or anyone else who may have pointed you here. Secondly I have absolutely zero zilch true fashion cred so my fashion views are purely based on what I like and don’t like and should not be taken seriously AT ALL – a bit like Joan Rivers or Giulliana Rancid (did I spell that wrong?) on the Fashion Police – I just love to blab on about stuff I have FNI about.Thirdly, I apologise to all my friends in the industry as not being a part of it I have no real idea what goes on or how terribly important these awards are – and I’m sure you all have a fabulous night so maybe you should stop reading now or pretend that you are just checking the reviews of the night….OK with that aside let’s get started….

At this stage my usual followers are thinking…the Logies? Really? Alice what are you doing…I know I know I normally reserve my fashion wrap for the Emmy’s, Oscars or Golden Globes (with the exception of the year I did the Brownlow which I promise you I will NEVER do again) but each year I keep thinking to myself is it time to spread those wings and try for a fashion wrap of the Logies – the pinacle of the Australian TV Industry – our little golden statue night of nights? To be honest I still don’t think we are there yet – it’s a bit like comparing the Olympics to the Commonwealth Games or truth be told – the Good Will Games. However, whilst cringing through the RIDICULOUS red carpet show (I think they actually only interviewed about 5 people and showed most dresses from the waist up – it was the red carpet show not a vox pop athon!!!!!) I did spot a couple of worthy contenders for both the best dressed list and the much easier category to review – worst dressed…there are plenty of hot contenders for that one!

But before I go on I feel it absolutely necessary to make this comment – have we not had enough of Richard Wilkins yet? I mean seriously its been 30 years and he is still here….the man personally responsible for killing MTV in this country before it had a chance (thanks to Janelle for making that observation) and for populating this country with more children and more ex wives than it could ever need. AND he still has the same haircut ….and it still looks as crap as it did back in 1983 – 80s might be back in Dicky but the dunny brush mop has never and will never be cool. Surely we have got enough talent in this country to find a replacement???? Even the ever smiling Eddie Everywhere Jules Lund (Macleans should have snapped him up for a toothpaste ad by now) would be better tv than Dicky Wilkins. All I can say is it’s time to bow out buddy (just like your mate Madonna…..incidently).

Ahhh  I feel better now so on to the LOGIES!!!!!!

As mentioned the red carpet show was just incredibly bad – Jules Lund in that way too short in the trunk Arthur Gallan suit (easily the worst designed clothes on the night – they all looked so cheap and supre like….is it too late for him to go on Project Runway to learn how to pick a fabric that actually looks red carpet?), Shane Crawford in a promo state of mind (his interview with the new Underbelly star was just one big live read for the new series which is sad really coz that guy looked great and was actually good red carpet talent) and Nicole Richie look alike Shelley Craft acting much more excited than really was required. Mind you I did like her Nicola Finetti frock all be it that she was a tad nipplygate…the dart on her breasts looked a little suss but the silhouette was lovely and she has the body to rock it. I think she may have been my favourite wearer of the hotter than though trend maJOR – white! Most of the others looked like they were auditioning for a bridal show. So for a red carpet show there were few mentions of who was wearing what designer, no actual decent fashion commentary – just a terrible take off of the 360 degree oscars stage where MYERS (did we hear that enough during the 17 minutes of actual air time) wanted us to vote for the best dressed – only they showed 99% of the WORST dressed and perhaps one or two that were possibly half way worthy. Where was Kylie in the Vera Wang people? It was just one big infomercial for Underbelly and Myer. As much as I love to loath that Guilliana and Ryan at least they give good red carpet…..my piece of advise is this – if you ever really want to be a contender on the world wide awards scene get your red carpet coverage up to scratch!

Right on to the fashion then. I’m going to start with the men because quite frankly there were two who were STREETS and I mean STREETS ahead of the boring standard monkey suit wearing rest of them…..

Matt Preston – you either love him or hate him but you gotta give him this..the guy knows how to rock his look. The bigger than life black and white pin stripe with black and white polka dot cravat was my male pick of the night! I love how brave he is and how he owns whatever he wears. What amazes me even more is that he is straight!

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Gyton in sparkles….Ok its a little camp (and another straight man too) but at least its not boring. I loved him for wearing this..it shows he has got a great sense of humour and personality to boot.

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Let’s talk themes of the night for the ladies….well you couldn’t miss the bridal white white white if you tried. Do you think they all watched the Oscars and hoped like mad that if they wore white they’d look like Charlize Theron? I know Zoe Blake  (who by the way is a stunning looking girl – Hamish surely punched well above his weight there) sure did..infact isn’t that the same dress?

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I did like the corset on this dress much more than Charlize (well as you know I wasn’t actually a fan of Charlize at the Oscars) and it is a Steven Khalil who seems to be de rigeur for the decent dress brigade at the Logies but I just really don’t love white on a red carpet. I just think it looks a bit bridal especially as the bridal trend is to look like you are on the red carpet..its confusing. I have to make an exception for Eva Mendez a few years ago at the Oscars as it was a KNOCK OUT! So white was the hot colour…even though as we all know white is actually NOT a colour.

Black was the other trendy colour – again NOT a colour – but always a fave on the red carpet. Best on field in blacks definitely went to Kylie Gillies in Vera Wang and Rebecca Gibney in age appropriate Khalil. Love the sequins on Gibney – not overdone but gorgeous on her and her hair and makeup were really perfect. I thought both of these mature ladies were actually almost Hollywood especially the bottom of that Wang dress which has definitley done a few Oscars before.

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Skin, Nude, Beige – whatever you want to call it and yes another NON colour was also popular. I am definitely partial to a bit of the nude especially if sparkly and Magdalena Roze definitely got my pick for this trend in yet another Khalil (see a trend coming???)

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Loved the godets (the flowy inserty bits) and the Angelina bust line worked well on her but I didn’t love the hair! It was a bit NQR…Need to be either very structured and pulled back a la Princess Grace or subtle like Rebecca Gibney.

Sequins and metallics which are so de rigeur in Hollywood right now (and downright gorgeous in my books) and thus were also a trend but some really got it and others really didn’t. I’m going to be controversial and say I didn’t like Garry Abletts ex Lauren Phillips dress – I can see that in some pictures it looked quite stylish but in others it looked cheap and I think its the combination of leather and sequins…it just didn’t work for me but I liked the gunmetal and black combo and she is pretty enough to have pulled off what otherwise looks a bit chelsea girl to me. And isn’t the peplum for the sake of a peplum out yet?

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Again I’m going to be controversial b/c I’m sure quite a few of you will not like this frock on Jecinta Campbell – certainly the silhouette is a little dated and she could have used a bit more in the booby department but I love love love the colour (royal navy) and its glomesh quality. I think its sexy and boho – Bianca Jagger would have rocked this frock and lets face it Salvatore Ferragamo rarely puts a foot wrong!

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Speaking of the dreaded peplum it too made a few appearances…they are really not worthy of comment except for one. I have been noticing a bit of the Thierry Mugler massive shoulder pad coming back into fashion with an architectural power bitch note to it and I must say that Stephanie Rice was rocking it last night…..I’ve never seen the girl look so vixen like. I think she totally pulled this off and the peplum actually adds to the architectural sculptural quality of the dress. I have to say though that the length looks a bit NQR but isn’t that also fashion forward now? I’m not sure but I really like this new side to the usually sweeter than apple pie image of Stephanie Rice.

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Designer trends – well wouldn’t you know but apparently Steven Khalil was the designer de jour …as if you could miss him. He is surely the Zuhair Murad of Aussie fashion right now…very similar lines going on and the lace detailing is very Zuhair. I could see Jenny from the block in any number of these frocks. My pick of his for the night goes to (and it pains me to say it because I find her very annoying but what an incredible body!) Sonia Kruger who really did look Hollywood ready in this number. My only criticism is the cuff on the dress..its a bit Cruella Deville non?

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The other designer to make a bit of a splash was Paolo Sebastian who focused heavily on lace. Ada of Home and Away fame and our very own Gilian Samuels (but not) – Michelle Bridges were among the ladies frocked up by Paolo. I think its a shame that Ada’s dress is white because I think in black it would have been extraordinary. As for Michelle Bridges (aka Sarah Connor) I just think she is a bit big in the upper body for this otherwise outstanding frock. I think she must have had a boob lift? It just looks a bit weird having those big boobs and muscly arms. It didn’t photograph well on her and the hair is all wrong but it is a lovely frock.

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So now on to some of my faves (that I haven’t already mentioned above)…Rhonda (aka Mandy) looked great in this frock – this is where having a good bust helped – at first I didn’t like the hardware but it has grown on me and now I love it. I also love the long jessica rabbit silhouette …making middle age women (and men) happy!

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Carrie Bickmore in Khalil …I don’t like watermelon ..I think coral/watermelon has had its day in the sun but the dress looks bloody great on her….lets face it she (like Jules Lund) is one of the new Eddie Everywhere’s so she needed to pull out a goody and she did. The hair looked great too.

carrie bickmore in steven khalil

Shelley Craft in Nicola Finetti – As I said before I had issues with the nipple area and also the fact that she morphed into Nicole Richie for the night but its a fantastic dress and succeeded where Giaan Rooney completely failed (when will people realise that Helen Manuell design is best left to the Brownlow medal).

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Julia Morris looked fantastic last night in very on trend teal. I think this dress was great on her. It looked classy and sexy and age appropriate and she obviously felt like a million bucks in it. Bloody funny woman too!

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So now to the gals I felt didn’t quite get it right on the night but none the less still looked good…kinda.

Rebecca Judd in J’aton. The sweetheart neckline is just completely wrong for what is otherwise an incredibly structured and modern dress. If the neckline had been right then this would have been my pick of the night. I mean this girl is incredibly beautiful but this dress is just a bit on the miss side for me and the hair isn’t good. Bangs with a severy pony would have given it more edge.

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Jennifer Hawkins in Jayson Brundson – another incredibly beautiful woman on trend in sequins but I just had that neckline. I didn’t like it on Amanda Seifreid at the Oscars and I didn’t like on Jen last night

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Other dresses I liked on the night were Rebecca Madden in Craig Braybrook. Slick, architectural, modern and sexy. He knows how to dress a lady (unlike his other project runway alumni…see above). I also liked Samara Weaving in yes you guessed it …Khalil. I love that she wore red. Red always shows itself in Hollywood at the big awards ceremonies and she looked bloody fabulous really.

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My classy but BORING award goes to the Gold Logie winner herself…Asher Keddie in Dion Lee. I think its a great dress. Simple, classic, classy but not Logies. I think something with a bit more sparkle would have worked better with the Logie….

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Now to the hideous list and there are many many many contenders but I’m only going to put a few as I’ve gone on long enough and i think these really speak for themselves

Number 1 – Brynne Edelston

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She is taking the piss right? I mean seriously? She looks like a washed up hooker from the gold coast with bad bad bad hair extensions, a donnatella tan, a string door curtain as a dress and it just looks plain UGLY.

Claudia Karvan in Tony Matiscevski – Oh my god….I know that Claudia probably popped this on and thought “mmm Cate Blanchette would wear something like this”…yes Claudia but she can….you can’t. It’s so confusing…a hot mess

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Susie Eleman in a Heidi Klum post Oscars moment. Susie I know you lost a huge amount of weight and that’s fantastic and your body is looking hot but this dress is NOT! There is nothing right about having a dress cut that low even when you are Heidi Klum. Susie whoever your stylist is…sack them!

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Sarah Bowditch looks remarkably like Adele in this very frumpy number..such a pitty as she is (like Adele) a GORGEOUS woman of immense talent…you need a stylist honey VITE!

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My last worst dressed contendor goes to Georgie Parker in Leona Edmiston ….Zebra chic perhaps? I think not. Look I don’t mind the dress actually. I think I could wear this myself but not to the Logies darls….I call it the Lucy Liu moment (where she wore the floral dress to the golden globes!).

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Well that’s it folks. My first and possibly last Logies fashion wrap. Like I said I have absolutely zero fashion cred so feel free to disagree with me on any or all of the above.

Until the Globes xxx

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Oscars 2013 – Al’s Fashion Wrap

February 27, 2013

Well can you believe another year has gone past already! Well what a year….what an Oscars! Lots of gay boys (and ok plenty of us ol fag hags) dreams came true with both Babs AND Shirley Bassey in the room! It was a glitzy old year and we even got the President’s wife in on the act….now that was heaven! Jury is out on Seth….certainly on his name anyway but also is hosting style. I say its a tough job but Hugh should really do it! Biased? Just a little! Love ya Huge!

So to the themes….it was hard not to feel like there was a prom or a wedding going on at times…..lots of big hair and white dresses…but truly the main theme PULSATING through the night was sequins…blingety bling bling bling…sequins were de rigeur for the ladies….and metallic sequins even more so. Armani Prive, Lwren Scott, Zuhair Murad and Versace have taken shares out I reckon. Now you all know I loves my flapperesque deco vibe and yay to a year that had this as a main theme. Lots of strapless this year too. Hair was either gorgy 20s, 30s, 40s Hollywood Glamour or loosey goosey up do’s and a few horrific big hair numbers (yes McCarty I’m talking about you!). The colour themes rarely change these days…you have your gold oscar statue wannabes, your nudes, the snore blacks and reds, wedding white for those that dare, a few jewel tones for those NOT on trend, a little grey here and there and of course those  SO HOT RIGHT NOW metallics! Lots of your usual prom gown silhouettes, a little fish tail here and there but my fave was everywhere to be seen….the column! LOVES ME  A COLUMN!  Jewelry was a little more demure this year mainly due to the dresses taking front stage and thank god thank god thank god the trend to the LEG seems to have passed after the GLOBES! One more trend I feel needs a huge mention…..the copycat from ballarat ….yes there were some horrific rip offs from the Globes….and I shall go into more detail a little later ….its gonna be controversial…but I love that!

When it came to the boys…just one theme this year…..Beards….all the hotties had them…Brad, George, Ben….Beards were the new black!

So without further a do…lets get to the nitty gritty…..

BEST DRESSED

Oh my god I’m actually sitting here right now still trying to work out which way I’m gonna swing with this ….its a hard one as I actually loved 7 dresses this year….but here goes …..

Number 1 – Jessica Chastaine in Armani Prive

my pick for best

Now really this is truly DIVINE! Structured, modern yet truly old Hollywood Glamour. I’m so glad she redeemed herself after the saggy boob Globes dress…The hair was perfect, the gold on her fair skin looked incredible and topped off with a very needed red lip – perfection! Blood nuts of the world take a bow for surely she must be your new pin up! I love the fit especially in the cup and the understated jewellry just let is shine! GORGEOUS

Number 2 – Naomi Watts in Armani Prive and later in the evening in Pucci

naomi watts armani prive

I love love love love love love this gown…its bloody gorgeous gov! The futuristic cut out really works for me although I know some people really hated it. I just love the colour and the fit – its structured where it should be and exudes glamour. Its sort of star trek meets Deco minx…Armani Prive really hit it out of the ball park this year….thank god coz the last few years have been awful! Jodie looked incredible at the Globes and now these two lurvely ladies….obviously metallics are really working for them. Naomi is a slick chick when it comes to awards season and I think it definitely indicates she has a truly decent sense of fashion (not just her stylist deciding!) I liked the fly away up do too as it softens the severity of the dress….I want it.

So then Naomi pops along to Vanity Fair in this frock – PUCCI as you DUCCI! Double hurrah to you Ms Watts….I love this too…so sexy, so evening, so Sharon Stone in Casino – grrrrrrr

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Number 3 – Amy Adams in Oscar De La Renta

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Ok so who didn’t love that scene from Sex in the City when Carrie is in Paris waiting in her hotel room for the divine Mikail and he doesn’t show so she falls asleep on the bed in a sea of Oscar….well this is that dress re-done for Amy Adams at the Oscars…or at least it is for me. I love this frock sick mate. It is so pretty….so fairytale princess. I know if I went to Cindarella’s ball this is the frock I’d be wearing. It looks so delicate and demure and sweet sweet sweet….butter wouldn’t melt and then she popped this frock on for the Vanity Fair Party

2013 Vanity Fair Oscar Party Hosted By Graydon Carter - Arrivals HELLO! Flapperific Amy….loving your work BEYOND!!!!!! All grown up too!

Number 4 – Halle Berry in Versace

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Ok this is another controversial one…I need to start by saying I think this is an INCREDIBLE dress but I think it would have looked so much better on Charlize Theron (with a deco hair do a la her hair when she won the oscar for Monster – waves) or Cate Blanchette. Still the dress is amazing. Like the Chrysler building morphed into a frock. I was sure it was Zuhair Murad but alas no – Versace. I like the squared off shoulder and the deco starburst lines do all the right things in all the right places. BUT I don’t like her hair…still she was definitely the WORST dressed at the Globes so kudos to your stylist honey…she got it right this time!

Number 5 – Nicole Kidman

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Lwren Scott – interesting choice for Nicole but I think it works beautifully. Its a little Galliano/McQueenesque with its Spanish Matador embellishment thing going on but I love that combo of black and gold and copper. It looks like its liquid on her body…slick and fabulous for her boobs…she looks like she actually has some. I think this is a bit more rocker for Nicole who usually likes to be a bit more ethereal and pretty. I’m not sold on the hair b/c I think it could have been a bit slicker – a high tight structured bun maybe….but still full credit to Lwren….Its a rockin frock

Number 6 – Jane Fonda at Vanity Fair

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Va Va Voom Jane….you aint lost your flair honey that fur sure! I love this Reem Acra. Its animal print on acid. I mean if I can look like that in my 70s well bring it on bitches…all those Jane Fonda work out pubic rolls have done her wonders (and sure a bit of a lift here and there I’m sure). I love this. Its sexy older minx material and she gets away with it. I love that she bowed to Valentino at the party too and I love that she’s making a come back….keep on coming honey.

Number 7 – Miranda Kerr in Valentino

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Speaking of Valentino how incredible is this frock Miranda Kerr wore to the Vanity Fair party? I know I know..she’d look good in a potato sack but she is usually flashing a lot more flesh on red carpets …I love this floaty romantic number…it almost looks a bit Lady Gwenovere – maybe Vienna in the early 20th Century….In any case its very sultry glam and quite sophisticated for her

HIGHLY COMMENDED

Catherine Zeta Jones in Zuhair Murad

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I am also giving CZJ the award for most looking like an Oscar! At first I didn’t love this frock as it looks odd from certain angles…it gives her a bit of mono boob or something….or doesn’t give her a good enough waist…but in other shots it looks AMAZING. I love the beading and the detailing (Zuhair is a MASTER) and she is bloody gorgeous! Lovely old Hollywood hair which matches the old Hollywood on her arm – boom boom!

Kelly Rowland in Donna Karan

kellly rowlan in donna karan bit scary in the background there

Is it just me or do Kelly Rowland and Jennifer Hudson look more and more alike? I mean they are almost interchangeable! Forget the Tony Ward frightmare on the left (he also dressed Kelly Osborne need I say more) – I love this Donna Karan black and white va va volume gown…its a little twisted prom but i like all the angles and the blocking…it looks incredible on her.

Solange Knowles in Pucci

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Another Pucci I don’t mind if I ducci! Solange is just a bit heaven right. For those that remember Martine – hello!!!!!!! I love her for wearing this canary yella and boy does it yell- a. She hot hot hot – Pucci doing a fine job

Stacey Kiebler in Neeam Khan

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I love this studded dress. It looks so gladiatoresque…leather and studs baby! All the better for George to rip off later The lines are beautiful and it almost looks like chainmail from a distance – Its tough but feminine….kinda like her I’m guessing

Amanda Seyfried in Alexander McQueen

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I love this dress but I hate the colour on her. I also hate that she thinks she is Chloe Sevigny when she clearly IS NOT. Please see Givenchy dress she wore to Vanity Fair below. Its all a bit try hard from this lady on the red carpet. But this dress moved beautifully and the fabric is just divine eventhough the neck collar/halter thing kept twisting on her (which frankly should not be happening at the Oscars darls…not with all those handlers running around fluffing you) – I think she might benefit from a tan

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BITCH STOLE MY LOOK

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Ann Hathaway at the Globes and Charlize at the Oscars

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Kate Hudson in McQueen at the Globes (my best dressed) and Salma Hayek in McQueen at the Oscars

So Salma really has no excuse – her husband owns most of the best labels in the world (as well making most of the worlds super models pregnant) so she SHOULD be wearing the most original fashion forward frock available to man…instead she wears something from the same range Hudson ROCKED last month at the Globes. Not good enough.

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Jennifer Lawrence at the Globes and Jennifer SNORE Anniston at the Oscars – really?

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Meryl stole her own look from a couple of years ago….bless

SNORE FEST – I’VE SEEN THAT SILHOUETTE BEFORE HONEY

There are always lots of these….same dresses year in year out…I’m so bored I could tear my eyes out

reese lv seen it beforeReese Witherspoon in LV….awful

helen hunt snoreHelen Hunt…what is going on with her face? Is that just too much surgery? Its WEIRD

garnerJennifer Garner in GUCCI looking like a skunk with its tail up….Its so god damn boring from the front and tacky can can girl from the back….the colour is so last year and the jewellry is wrong wrong wrong. I’m surprised as Jen usually gets it right….maybe she wanted Ben to shine!

ellie snore saabSandra Bullock wearing a dress we’ve seen a million times..snorarama…..borarama….blahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh

jennifer aniston snore zooe deschanel and why was she at the Oscars anyway? Like she’s ever gonna get one!

WORST DRESSED

Number 1 – Jacki Weaver

jacqui weaver ohhh dear princesll line

I thought Jacki had got a stylist? This dress is just awful. the empire line is just not good on her at all. It does nothing for her waist and it just makes her boobs look like a seating area. I think its sad really because the top part is quite nice. The hair is a crime against humanity…who does half up and half down out of school? The $2 million in diamonds got completely lost. Still good on you for getting nominated Jacki…we do love you but we’d love you more if you got a good stylist on board.

Number 2.  Zoe Saldana in something horrific by someone horrific

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I saw this dress on the runway and it looked quite avant guarde and interesting but on her it just looks all wrong. The top is so different to the bottom its like there are two totally different conversations going on. The top is quite pretty but needed a straight column to work. The bottom is quite architectural and interesting but needed an equally architectural structured top. So its a big NO from me  – and just so you don’t think I’m being unfair….take a look at her Vanity Fair party dress

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See what I mean? No taste

Jennifer Lawrence in Dior Haute Couture

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Another controversial call but really this looks to me like she stole her Mums damask table cloth and made a nouveau bubble skirt dress out of it. Why do best actress nominees always try to look so bloody demure. I really hate this dress. It reminds me of  bad Bjork. I just don’t like anything about it. I know its old time haute couture and all but it doesn’t do it for me …however, her Calvin Klein liquid silver number at Vanity Fair partially redeemed her (oh and Oscar helped)

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Ann Hathaway in Nipple Gate Couture

hathaway yuck
Three things come to mind when I look at this – Gwyneth’s ill fitting Ralph Lauren dress (also pink) when she won best actress, BIG PIG (for the apron factor) and what the hell is going on with your nipples girl. The fabric is creased, the jewelry all wrong for that neckline. I just don’t have a nice word to say about it…so I won’t. The pain kept coming at the after party too…this YSL dress making her look like a recovering anorexic

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Melissa McCarty

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Ok who told her it was ok to wear Jersey to the Oscars and then to add insult to injury also told her that her hair would look great backcombed. As a voluptuous woman myself I can appreciate the difficulty in finding a dress that shows off your best assets but seriously did she look in the mirror at this sad grey dress gathered at all the wrong spots and think “yes that looks great”….I know I’m being harsh but last years was much better!  There is DEFINITELY  room for a really good larger figure couturier in LA…

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Kerry Washington in not sure – the coral horror

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such a shame as she is such a pretty girl

Elizabeth Banks in McQueen technicolour yawn

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Kate Beckinsdale in a home craft project with very very bad hair

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Hailee Seinfeld

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I’m seeing Celine Dion overtones here…..

SPECIAL AWARDS

The Valley of the Dolls Look Alike Award

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Adele – eventhough her stage dress looked like margaret thatcher meets an xmas bauble

GROWING OLD GRACEFULLY AWARD

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Well folks that’s it for another year. I could bang on about many more dresses for many more hours but I think that about sums up the crucial stuff. Until we meet again may the fashion gods be good to you and you and you and you.

xxx

Oscars 2008 – Alice’s Fashion Wrap

February 26, 2008

Hello Family, Friends, Aquaintances and People who happen upon this yearly ramble of mine.

Yes it’s another year and therefore another Oscars Wrap. I’m still trying to wake up due to lack of sleep – that ceremony is just too bloody long! Lose the songs I say and the naff presenter (bring back Whoopee!!!!!). I did, however, have a helping hand this year with my study o red carpet (or the merlot carpet as the – scuze me whilst I gag – Ryan Seacrest called it) thanks to the heavenly IQ. Yes I managed to get most of my redcarpet analysis done prior to the big event!

Once again my ramble is rather long..surprise surprise! So feel free to read as much as you can bear and save the rest for when you are bored!

 I think this year was a tad disappointing over all. I’m still miffed by Angelina and Brad’s absence from the Ceremony. They say she wasn’t invited (can’t believe she didn’t get a nod for Mighty Heart which I felt was a fab peformance really!) but I mean HELLO she is the most newsworthy source in the universe (well there is sad tragic, make sure you put her in your dead pool this year, Brittney) so surely a presenting gig would have been appropriate…if Cameron Diaz can pop up EVERY year (without so much as a wiff of a nomination and purely placed for her good looks and yes ok her great personality) surely Angelina is worth the invite. I do LOVE that she announced her pregnancy the day before GO GIRL – get some of that limelight!

 And don’t even get me started about the cancellation of the Vanity Fair party….oh dear lord…what is the world coming to. I’ve always so loved the shots of Hollywood’s hangeroners elite doing the parties. Who can ever forget the shot of Pamela Anderson in white Men’s shirt tied at the waste  with the ‘oh i can see what you had for breakfast ho’ denim cut offs. Truly gold! And no stories like Courtney Love (gagging again) running after Russell Crowe’s limousine claiming she loved him! So sad ..so very very sad to have missed out on these nuggets of gold this year!

Not sure if any of you caught the E News red carpet footage but the Gary Busey interlude with Jennifer Garner and Laura Linney and flailing Ryan (sorry GAGGING) Seacrest was priceless!!!!!! Have some more drugs Gary! Too heaven. I notice he popped up in the TV Week red carpet show AND Dicky Wilkens pathetic red carpet intro show (anyone else noted how few stars come his way…even Nicole Kidman tried to avoid him).

 Ok on to the business end….fashion!!!!!!!!

As I said a tad boring after last year but I think there were plenty of absent fashionistas and that’s probably why…I missed Jenny from the block (suckling her twins no doubt) and Trudy Styler who I love love love. No Angie and No Susan Sarandon (who we just love for her political statements). Speaking of political statements THANK GOD Mike Moore didn’t win….did, however, LOVE his admitting that his suit (including tag still on it) came from the BIG AND TALL Men’s shop. Onya Mike!

 Without further ado….

THEMES

Long dresses, Strapless or over one shoulder (a few disastrous halter necks), Ponytails both messy (some a little too messy Miss Diaz) and structured, Wispy up do’s, Long flowing tresses, Fishtails, Skinny ties, Clutches, Bejewelled hairclips, Drop earings, DIAMONDS, flower and feather detailing and more black and red than the eye could bear. Oh and preggy bellies of course!

BEST DRESSED FEMALES

Well usually I have a top 5 in this category but this year I’m making it a top 7 and in no particular order as I think they were all as beautiful  (except for #1 b/c she truly stood out) as eachother. So I guess it wasn’t that dull really…..

#1 by a mile – MARION COTILLARD

I do feel that the overall winner had to be the best actress herself in HEAVENLY fish scaley Jean Paul (it’s been tooooo long) Gaultier. I just loved everything about this dress. The way it draped, the detail, the way her body moved in it and the colour – White! I just love a girl in white at the Oscars – normally not a BRAVE colour (well its not technically a colour is it..but for the purposes of this it shall moonlight as one) but it just made such a huge difference to see someone not in safe safe safe black. Her hair was just so gorgeous..very Rita Hayworth being pulled back on one side and I just adored the long chain. I really feel that she took a massive risk with this dress (think Bjork in Swan Dress or Celine Dion in backwards tux for risks that did NOT work) but pulled it off with aplomb. Also lovely to see frogs supporting frogs in a sea of Valentino, Dior (yawn), Galliano et al.

 Marion Cotillard

#2 – CATE BLANCHETT

Anyone else notice how Dicky Wilkens pronounced Blanchett (as in Blaaaanchit…you can take a boy out of)? Anyhoo it was all about belly’s this year (pity you didnt’ have your academy awards party in Australia Nel ..you would have fit right in!). Dries Van Noten did a terrific job of highlighting the glow of Miss Cate with a lovely silk cut royal purple silk empire line halter neck. LOVED the detail to the skirt…the beaded flowers… and the jewelry was spot on. The neck piece looked like it was part of the dress (love the use of lime green against royal purple..its an oh so right colour wheel perfect combo) and those drop earings were lovely. Loved the wispy pulled back hair (almost a ponytail but not quite)…wispy but not too casual (yes I’m referring once again to you Miss Diaz!). At first I have to admit to dissing the higher front hemline but after consideration have decided it was not only highly functional (can’t have very preggers lady toppling over on her frock now can we!) but that it visually worked and looked rather lovely. All her accessories…as per usual…worked worked worked…those rhinestone bracelets and the embellished silver shoe got full marks from me…we love ya Cate – you are so what Nicole Kidman will never ever be!

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#3 Katherine Heigl

Now here’s a girl who knows how to work cocksucker red! Ok I know she, like La Klum who I’ll mention later….MUCH later, do like to don a bit of red to functions but instead of it being repetitive on her ( as I said I’ll talk about Countess Dracula Da Klum later) it was damn HOT. I just loved this one shoulder gown by Escada because it draped beautifully especially across the bust(even the slight train at the back worked for me) was very simple yet perfectly defined by the circle detail on the shoulder. The look was saltry, sexy, old Hollywood, Marilynesque classique chic. Loved the old Hollywood hair and the lips matched the dress…well done…about the only lady in red who matched her lipstick to perrrrrrfection. She may be soapy/pulp movie trash but I’m loving her more and more.

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#4 Jessica Alba

Not usually a rave for Jessica …as i feel, like Eva Longoria Parker, she gets far too much publicity for her actual output and is frankly just a pretty object. Harsh but true! Anyway I digress….Jessica pregnant, like our Cate, looked glowalicious in her stunning  Marchesa plum coloured, (oh how those girls with bellies are lovin the hues o purple) empire line, strapless and feather embellished gown.  It draped beautifully. I thought she really looked great. Her skin was glowing. Her hair was lovely and her jewellry and ubiquitous clutch finished the look off nicely. I thought it odd how cryptic she was about her pregnancy (when asked the date she said “I’m actually not devulging that right now”…precious pumpkin..prolly planning on selling the shots to OK magazine) but you never know..there might be a wave of baby stalkers on the loose in la la land.

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#5 Daniel Day Lewis’s wife Rebecca Miller

Ok it’s controversial but I really loved this outfit. I thought it was eccentric and very haute couture in a 1990’s melange glam kind of way. Perfect match for the ever eccentric Day-Lewis and is velvet bow tie. It smacked of Vivienne Westwood or Jean Paul Gaultier and could easily have been taken from Ms Styler’s wardrobe (see earlier comment about fashionistas). I just loved the massively oversized jet beaded brooch whacked on the front of her velvet bodice. The lacey arms and bustle skirt worked beautifully and the red rippon straps really topped it off. I did, however, have issues with the shoes …perhaps a black patent leather hoofer would have looked a bit better – perhaps some gorgy Christian Louboutin mighty high pumps! mmmm (sorry i’m dreaming for myself now). Juliana I’m guessing this would have been your pick for the night.

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#6 Vanessa Paradis

Let’s face it ladies…how can you go wrong with Chanel HAUTE couture! The french version of Kylie Minogue (well she was in the 80s called the singing canary and even did an ad for Coco taking the piss out that by posing as a canary in a cage) looked gothic gorgeous in a black silk crepe gown with plunging neckline (adorned with delicious diamonds) and fab buttoned waist. Her porcelain skin meant the combination of said dress with cocksucker red lippy worked worked worked. The bed hair tresses added to the whole look. Another lady perfectly matched to her eccentric other half.

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#7 Diablo Cody

What a devilicious dress! I normally aint a fan of the animal print (sorry Mum I know how you loved it!) but this dress really worked for me. I loved the embelished trim, the tattoo, the hair and yes there it is again…alabaster skin with cocksucker red lips …the lippy de jour for ladies who know how to work it. Very ‘out there’ for Dior really but a hit none the less. All credit to the lady as the writer of Juno…a truly feel good movie experience in a sea of miserable competition.

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HONOURABLE MENTIONS

Hilary Swank – lovely one shoulder Versace gown with beautiful flower detail

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Calista Flockhart – Well I hated this when i first saw it as I only saw it from waist up. It was in my blahhhh list but now I’ve seen the full frock I actually really like the drape and flow and contrasting colour of the dangly belt/scarf tie thingame. I still think she needs a boob job in a hurry but hey that’s just my humble opinion. Oh and there’s a bit too much nip showing in this shot!

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Almost but not quite list

Kelly Preston – Well i must say I’ve loved that marigold yellow since Vera Wang did Michelle Williams heavenly frock a few years back in the same hue. It’s a sunny kind of frock – makes you feel happy just lookin at it (mind you if anyone dares paint a room in it you will make me hurl). Love the drape at the front and it does wonders for her jolie roberts. I also love the hair but something is missing and I can’t quite put my finger on it. Is it the colour of her hair..did she need a few highlights…perhaps she needed a stronger lippy (dare i say it but cocksucker red may well have worked) or a spray tan. Not sure why but its a slight miss.

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Anne Hathaway

Now I know some of you are already saying “but I loved Anne she looked gorgeous..like and english rose”…and yes her dress was rather beautiful  – marchesa was fond of feather and flower embellishment this year…the flowers were amazingly detailed. I loved the colour and she has got beautiful alabaster skin BUT where was the matching lipstick? Seriously going with a wishy washy shade of reddy brown just washed out her face and I’m not absolutely sure about her pony tail either. I know I’m being fussy but hell someone’s gotta be.

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Rene Zellweger

Ok when did the aliens invade and taker over her body. What is going on with this chick? Carolina Herrerra AGAIN! Big yes to the beading (lovely detail) but a big no to the creature wearing it. Oh my god the skin tone – all wrong. The hair – all wrong. The pout – all wrong. The body in that dress – all wrong. I would have put her on the worst dressed list only I do think the dress is beautiful and would look heaven on somebody else…Angie maybe.

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Cameron Diaz

I just don’t think this girl ever truly gets it right on the night. I mean we all know she is hot, smiley as hell, great bod and personality to boot. However, there’s always something NQR. The hair FAR TOO CASUAL. We are not running along the beach in Malibu sweety! The dress – well it was quite lovely..strapless with a touch of structure… but the colour, especially on a blond, was far toooo blahhhhhhhh. Peach/pale pink/french manicure nude is a little washed out unless you are Halle Berry or Beyonce …know what I mean. Dior dress in dior pink! LOVED LOVED LOVED the clutch..but needed to be with a different dress!

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Nicole Kidman

Our Nic…Its the first time I’ve seen a dress designed to make someone look pregnant. I don’t actually think she has a huge bump but boy was she wanting to show off what she had. Balenciaga AGAIN. I actually liked the dress even though it was in blahhhhhhhhhhhh black. It was elegant and classy but what the hell was that flashy diamond necklace about? Don’t get me wrong i LOVED the bling…best necklace of the night but did it go with that dress? I don’t think so. I think it looks like two looks cobbled together and it just didn’t work for me. And when did her hair go from reddy blond to that foul yellow colour? About the same time she lasered off all the freckles and thus became an albino? Lets not get onto the long haired lout. Honey you just aint ever gonna be Cate.

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Jennifer Garner – Definitely the best of the black dresses. I liked the fishtail detail. Very Oscar De La Renta (I’m still dreaming about Sex in the City’s Carrie and that heavenly ODLR dress when she’s on the bed asleep in Paris). I also loved the diamonds and the hair. She looked very Grace Kelly BUT I have put her on this list because she was way too safe with the colour and the dress was a bit boring really.

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The Best Young Filly Award

Without doubt this goes to Miley Cyrus  – all 15 years of her (yup that would be Billy Ray Cyrus’s little gal also known as Hannah Montana..the biggest thing for teenagers since the Olsen twins). I just loved the youthful simplicity and elegance of her beautifully designed Valentino gown. Loved the hair and LOVED the ruby earings. Strike a pose!

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Worst dressed filly award

Again without doubt this goes to Saoirse Ronan from Atonement. The hideous Ireland green frock looked like it had come from Kmart  – definitley not Alberto Ferreti’s best work! Check out the hemline!

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The too much going on award

Penelope Cruz – I loved her feather extravaganza last year but this year it was just all too much. You don’t know where to look really. And why wasn’t she on the arm of Javier????

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Best Hair Award

Julie Christie. I just loved this mop o curls. You can tell that this lady has had a lot of good work done to look this youthful. I thought I was going to give her a gong for her dress too until I saw those very dodgy arm stocking things…and if you’re interested the designer was ….Julie Christie. Stick to acting love!

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WORST DRESSED WOMEN

You could really go on for hours with this one..but as this epistle is getting far too long already I will keep it to the main three offenders.

#1 Jennifer Hudson – AGAIN!

Will someone shoot this gal’s stylist please! I feel somewhat of a traitor given my own rather over voluptuous bod BUT who puts a larger chick in a halter neck without a bra on? OH MY GOD. It was attack of the monoboob. And who thought it was a good idea to emphasize the disaster by dressing her in WHITE! The poor girl. Honestly she has probably got a really sexy body so dress her for it not against it. As for the overflow out the sides of the dress….shoot her stylist NOW! Who cares who designed it.

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# 2 Dame Helen Mirren

This was one of the biggest disappointments of the night for me. Dame Hel is normally one of the best dressed older stateswomen usually giving the younger fillies a run for their money not last night. I’m not sure who told her that patching two different dresses together would look good but alas she believed it and quite frankly looked a fright night. The main part of the dress would have looked fab as a strapless with cleavage (her boobs are one of her best assets…so use them love) as it was a lovely red and beautifully cut but that crystal shrug attached to it was very very odd indeed.

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#3 Tilda Swinton

What can I say…just plain ODD. One shoulder tent affair in blahhhhhhhh black with NO MAKEUP. Very mid 80s vibe going on. Something the chick in the Thomson twins would have worn. I know this gal loves to play the androgenous card but HONEY what were you seriously thinking? I seriously think that the crime she commited against fashion last night is possibly as bad if not worse than Celine Dion in the backwards tuxedo! I know its a big call but go on take a closer look at this dress. Lanvin apparently…..Jees let me buy one of their dresses in future NOT.

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MOST ANNOYING OUTFIT

Heidi Countess Dracula Da Klum. Firstly I am so sick of this woman wearing red to EVERY function …its just plain BORING. Yes she is extremely beautiful but please sweety you are never gonna be royalty so stop trying to look like you are. The whole collar and train and hair…it just ponged of shameless self promotion and was way too austentatious AND the bag didnt’ match. I know she is auctioning it off for a charity which is very nice of her but I am pondering this…did she do it to help others or because she knew it would give her more publicity. Galliano Smamo….OVER IT!

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BEST DRESSED MEN

Lets face it the men pretty much all look the same. There’s just not a lot you can do to jazz up a penguin suit. Ofcourse there’s a few exceptions every year so whilst this list is short …it’s sweet.

George Clooney

Ok I know his outfit wasn’t all that different – still a lovely lookin tux my boy – or unique but va va voom by god is he HOT HOT HOTTTTTTTT. I challenge you to find a woman who doesn’t think so and a man who isn’t insanely jealous of his complete package. He is to the naughties what Carey Grant was to the 50s! Suave, sophisticated, charming, funny, cheeky….one could go on forever. As for the arm accessory…was that a chinz curtain I spotted? Vintage Valentino…does that mean it didn’t sell back them so they kept in on ice incase it worked in the future..I’m here to tell you it didn’t. Nice hair though…lovely colour.

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Johny Depp

Gotta love left of centre JD. Always puts his own stamp on an old classic. Lovin the ‘different’ bow tie. Lovely lady candy too.

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Spike Lee

Not usually a fan of gangster chic but love this funky look with the white fedora and mr magoo type glasses … funky yet slick. He is the one on the left….nottttt Wesley Snipes.

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Daniel Day Lewis

Hated the hair..what was it with the UK lads sporting long greesy hair (Colin Farrell yes I mean you)..anyhoo I love the trim to the lapels – he brought a bit of flair to an old classic but the bow tie needed to be straightened! Where was your PR on the night luv? Oh and I just saw the shoes….oops!

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Javier Bardem

Jamon! Jamon! Loved the high lapels and the skinny tie. Euro chic style. Heaven and hot hot hot!!!!

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As a result of the mens fashion being, for the most part, homogenous this year I can’t actually put together a worst mens list this year which I think is a good thing.

So with that I finally come to an end. If you have made it this far you are a champion and I’m a true fan! Here’s to a fab Oscars year in 2009 with the return of the fashionistas and the parties! Some women who are willing to take some risks  even if it just means boycotting black! And to the men – let’s hope some are willing to step outside of the square..be daring…have some fun.

Its been a privilege and an honour.

Alice Villella xxx

Boys in Skinny Jeans – What is that about?

October 19, 2007

Boys in skinny jeans….what is that about? Ok maybe petit skinny boys can just get away with it (mind you why you want to make obvious the fact you are a stick figure is beyond me!) but why do all men suddenly think because its a trend that it will look good on them whatever size they are? Lets take that boy from Australian Idol…I don’t know his name but the one who thinks he’s really hip and dresses like a sort of Oasis Mod type creature….but is a little heavy and a lot try hard to really pass off as a Gallagher….why the hell does he think that those skinny jeans looks even remotely decent on him? So over it!

Kylie does Madonna AGAIN

October 19, 2007

Kylie Kylie Kylie…and I thought you’d started to forge your own identity. I had almost forgotten the blatant rip off of Madge’s JPG Pointy titty cups bra back in 1991..forgiven it even..knotched it up to youth and immaturity but this “NEW” (i don’t think soooooo) look for two hearts is just taking it tooo far love. Correct me if I’m wrong but didn’t Dogga (Madge) do Marilyn back in like 1984 with Material Girl? And OH MY GOD there’s the catsuit she wore in Human Behaviour circa 1993! Did you think we’d forget Kyles? Love – the prob is you have the same audience as Mrs Kabala lover herself..or hadn’t you noticed the millions of screaming queens praying at your alta? So why can’t you be a tad original. And i haven’t even got to the release of your ‘Doco’….Inbed with Kylie…oops sorry I meant White diamonds…..Jeees Louis you are pushing the envelope my pint sized little friend ….I have to say that I think it’s horrid for anyone to have to endure what Kylie endured with her illness and she did a remarkable job getting herself well and moving on with life….but its also HORRID to use it as your latest marketing tool….Ever since that interview with the GIANTESSE Cat Deely –  or whatever her silly name is – it’s been ALL ABOUT how fantastic Kylie is and by the way here’s another launch of a product. I’ve never known anyone to be able to launch so many products using the same bandwagon in my life. Like I said…very happy you made it through the disease and I hope it stays away..but please give us a break and for godsake Kylie GET YOUR GROOVE BACK!

The Indian Call Centre – Death of Customer Service and Lateral Thinking

October 10, 2007

Ok I know we are doing the 3rd world (and the multi nationals who are saving a TRUCK LOAD of cash doing it) a huge favour by fobbing off all our call centre labour to them BUT at what cost? I am all for getting rid of poverty my friends but I really have had it with the bloody Indian call centre (ICC). I mean really who doesn’t have one these days? It’s the IT thing to have this season n’est ce pas? Your pc breaks down…ah why don’t you call an ICC. Your internet connection goes down..no problem just call an ICC. Your camera is having issues…oh yes there’s an ICC just for you. And lets not mention banks or credit cards…..I challenge you to find one that DOES NOT use an ICC.

The issue is this….if it’s not in the script then sorry we cannot help you. That’s right folks this means if you have a question that is slightly complicated or left of centre..forget it..you get sucked into the vortex of “let me just repeat what i last said to you five times because I can’t find an answer to your question anywhere in my script”. I don’t know about you but my questions are nearly always left of centre…I don’t seem to ever have a simple problem that can be resolved with the blessed script. I am then forced into repeating my problem over and over again to apparenlty DEAF ears because all I keep getting at the other end is “well as I was saying Mam (I am not American buddy!!!!!!! can’t they teach them an australian accent for godsake!) ….”

Gone are the days of lateral thinking when you would get a jolly little fella or gal at the other end of line (yes think salesforce folks!) who would go out of their way to help….you want a tea cosy with that sir ..sure I’ll find one for you…or at the very least “sorry sir tea cosies are not our thing but I can advise you where to go to get one if you like”.

 Oh to have an aussie accent answer a customer service number….and that’s something I thought I’d never say….

 I think we should all stage a boycot of the Indian Call Centre or at least lobby the blood sucking multi nationals to train their staff appropriately….teach them to think outside the square…take your six sigma GE and put it to use somewhere that it might actually have a benefit.

The Beginning – Facebook Facing off

September 26, 2007

Ok so I’m a bit late jumpin on the bloggin bandwagon..but better late than never eh? Today’s spray of the day goes to FACEBOOK. Ok it seemed like a good thing at the time and its bloody handy for photos and videos especially since the oompa loompa surfaced (that would be the baby …little Kara…sweet thing but weighty..oh my..that’s another story)…BUT I mean HELLO who wants the world to know everything that you do..I mean I’m surprised the newsfeed doesn’t tell all your friends when you have farted…and lets not get into the bloody waste of time …jesus its a black hole…and when you are a new mum and time is like GOLD you certainly don’t need to sit down to facebook..and here’s the biggest beef I have with it….the ex boyfriend finding you again factor….there’s a reason we haven’t called you in 5 years BUDDY….get the message?????? so that’s my beef of the day….mind you I”m still logged into facebook and I will still use it….won’t stop me bitchin about it though! Later kids

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September 26, 2007

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