Oscars 2013 – Al’s Fashion Wrap

Well can you believe another year has gone past already! Well what a year….what an Oscars! Lots of gay boys (and ok plenty of us ol fag hags) dreams came true with both Babs AND Shirley Bassey in the room! It was a glitzy old year and we even got the President’s wife in on the act….now that was heaven! Jury is out on Seth….certainly on his name anyway but also is hosting style. I say its a tough job but Hugh should really do it! Biased? Just a little! Love ya Huge!

So to the themes….it was hard not to feel like there was a prom or a wedding going on at times…..lots of big hair and white dresses…but truly the main theme PULSATING through the night was sequins…blingety bling bling bling…sequins were de rigeur for the ladies….and metallic sequins even more so. Armani Prive, Lwren Scott, Zuhair Murad and Versace have taken shares out I reckon. Now you all know I loves my flapperesque deco vibe and yay to a year that had this as a main theme. Lots of strapless this year too. Hair was either gorgy 20s, 30s, 40s Hollywood Glamour or loosey goosey up do’s and a few horrific big hair numbers (yes McCarty I’m talking about you!). The colour themes rarely change these days…you have your gold oscar statue wannabes, your nudes, the snore blacks and reds, wedding white for those that dare, a few jewel tones for those NOT on trend, a little grey here and there and of course those  SO HOT RIGHT NOW metallics! Lots of your usual prom gown silhouettes, a little fish tail here and there but my fave was everywhere to be seen….the column! LOVES ME  A COLUMN!  Jewelry was a little more demure this year mainly due to the dresses taking front stage and thank god thank god thank god the trend to the LEG seems to have passed after the GLOBES! One more trend I feel needs a huge mention…..the copycat from ballarat ….yes there were some horrific rip offs from the Globes….and I shall go into more detail a little later ….its gonna be controversial…but I love that!

When it came to the boys…just one theme this year…..Beards….all the hotties had them…Brad, George, Ben….Beards were the new black!

So without further a do…lets get to the nitty gritty…..


Oh my god I’m actually sitting here right now still trying to work out which way I’m gonna swing with this ….its a hard one as I actually loved 7 dresses this year….but here goes …..

Number 1 – Jessica Chastaine in Armani Prive

my pick for best

Now really this is truly DIVINE! Structured, modern yet truly old Hollywood Glamour. I’m so glad she redeemed herself after the saggy boob Globes dress…The hair was perfect, the gold on her fair skin looked incredible and topped off with a very needed red lip – perfection! Blood nuts of the world take a bow for surely she must be your new pin up! I love the fit especially in the cup and the understated jewellry just let is shine! GORGEOUS

Number 2 – Naomi Watts in Armani Prive and later in the evening in Pucci

naomi watts armani prive

I love love love love love love this gown…its bloody gorgeous gov! The futuristic cut out really works for me although I know some people really hated it. I just love the colour and the fit – its structured where it should be and exudes glamour. Its sort of star trek meets Deco minx…Armani Prive really hit it out of the ball park this year….thank god coz the last few years have been awful! Jodie looked incredible at the Globes and now these two lurvely ladies….obviously metallics are really working for them. Naomi is a slick chick when it comes to awards season and I think it definitely indicates she has a truly decent sense of fashion (not just her stylist deciding!) I liked the fly away up do too as it softens the severity of the dress….I want it.

So then Naomi pops along to Vanity Fair in this frock – PUCCI as you DUCCI! Double hurrah to you Ms Watts….I love this too…so sexy, so evening, so Sharon Stone in Casino – grrrrrrr

2013 Vanity Fair Oscar Party Hosted By Graydon Carter - Arrivals

Number 3 – Amy Adams in Oscar De La Renta

amy adams best shot

Ok so who didn’t love that scene from Sex in the City when Carrie is in Paris waiting in her hotel room for the divine Mikail and he doesn’t show so she falls asleep on the bed in a sea of Oscar….well this is that dress re-done for Amy Adams at the Oscars…or at least it is for me. I love this frock sick mate. It is so pretty….so fairytale princess. I know if I went to Cindarella’s ball this is the frock I’d be wearing. It looks so delicate and demure and sweet sweet sweet….butter wouldn’t melt and then she popped this frock on for the Vanity Fair Party

2013 Vanity Fair Oscar Party Hosted By Graydon Carter - Arrivals HELLO! Flapperific Amy….loving your work BEYOND!!!!!! All grown up too!

Number 4 – Halle Berry in Versace


Ok this is another controversial one…I need to start by saying I think this is an INCREDIBLE dress but I think it would have looked so much better on Charlize Theron (with a deco hair do a la her hair when she won the oscar for Monster – waves) or Cate Blanchette. Still the dress is amazing. Like the Chrysler building morphed into a frock. I was sure it was Zuhair Murad but alas no – Versace. I like the squared off shoulder and the deco starburst lines do all the right things in all the right places. BUT I don’t like her hair…still she was definitely the WORST dressed at the Globes so kudos to your stylist honey…she got it right this time!

Number 5 – Nicole Kidman

nicole lwren scottnicole 2

Lwren Scott – interesting choice for Nicole but I think it works beautifully. Its a little Galliano/McQueenesque with its Spanish Matador embellishment thing going on but I love that combo of black and gold and copper. It looks like its liquid on her body…slick and fabulous for her boobs…she looks like she actually has some. I think this is a bit more rocker for Nicole who usually likes to be a bit more ethereal and pretty. I’m not sold on the hair b/c I think it could have been a bit slicker – a high tight structured bun maybe….but still full credit to Lwren….Its a rockin frock

Number 6 – Jane Fonda at Vanity Fair

2013 Vanity Fair Oscar Party Hosted By Graydon Carter - Arrivals

Va Va Voom Jane….you aint lost your flair honey that fur sure! I love this Reem Acra. Its animal print on acid. I mean if I can look like that in my 70s well bring it on bitches…all those Jane Fonda work out pubic rolls have done her wonders (and sure a bit of a lift here and there I’m sure). I love this. Its sexy older minx material and she gets away with it. I love that she bowed to Valentino at the party too and I love that she’s making a come back….keep on coming honey.

Number 7 – Miranda Kerr in Valentino

2013 Vanity Fair Oscar Party Hosted By Graydon Carter - Arrivals

Speaking of Valentino how incredible is this frock Miranda Kerr wore to the Vanity Fair party? I know I know..she’d look good in a potato sack but she is usually flashing a lot more flesh on red carpets …I love this floaty romantic number…it almost looks a bit Lady Gwenovere – maybe Vienna in the early 20th Century….In any case its very sultry glam and quite sophisticated for her


Catherine Zeta Jones in Zuhair Murad

czjczj zuhair murad

I am also giving CZJ the award for most looking like an Oscar! At first I didn’t love this frock as it looks odd from certain angles…it gives her a bit of mono boob or something….or doesn’t give her a good enough waist…but in other shots it looks AMAZING. I love the beading and the detailing (Zuhair is a MASTER) and she is bloody gorgeous! Lovely old Hollywood hair which matches the old Hollywood on her arm – boom boom!

Kelly Rowland in Donna Karan

kellly rowlan in donna karan bit scary in the background there

Is it just me or do Kelly Rowland and Jennifer Hudson look more and more alike? I mean they are almost interchangeable! Forget the Tony Ward frightmare on the left (he also dressed Kelly Osborne need I say more) – I love this Donna Karan black and white va va volume gown…its a little twisted prom but i like all the angles and the blocking…it looks incredible on her.

Solange Knowles in Pucci

2013 Vanity Fair Oscar Party Hosted By Graydon Carter - Arrivals

Another Pucci I don’t mind if I ducci! Solange is just a bit heaven right. For those that remember Martine – hello!!!!!!! I love her for wearing this canary yella and boy does it yell- a. She hot hot hot – Pucci doing a fine job

Stacey Kiebler in Neeam Khan

stacey kiebler in neeam kahn

I love this studded dress. It looks so gladiatoresque…leather and studs baby! All the better for George to rip off later The lines are beautiful and it almost looks like chainmail from a distance – Its tough but feminine….kinda like her I’m guessing

Amanda Seyfried in Alexander McQueen

amanda seyfried in mcqueen

I love this dress but I hate the colour on her. I also hate that she thinks she is Chloe Sevigny when she clearly IS NOT. Please see Givenchy dress she wore to Vanity Fair below. Its all a bit try hard from this lady on the red carpet. But this dress moved beautifully and the fabric is just divine eventhough the neck collar/halter thing kept twisting on her (which frankly should not be happening at the Oscars darls…not with all those handlers running around fluffing you) – I think she might benefit from a tan

2013 Vanity Fair Oscar Party Hosted By Graydon Carter - Arrivals


ann h globescharlize theron

Ann Hathaway at the Globes and Charlize at the Oscars

hudson in mcqueen globessalma-hayek-francois-henri-pinault-oscars-2013-red-carpet

Kate Hudson in McQueen at the Globes (my best dressed) and Salma Hayek in McQueen at the Oscars

So Salma really has no excuse – her husband owns most of the best labels in the world (as well making most of the worlds super models pregnant) so she SHOULD be wearing the most original fashion forward frock available to man…instead she wears something from the same range Hudson ROCKED last month at the Globes. Not good enough.

jenlaw globesjennifer aniston snore zooe deschanel

Jennifer Lawrence at the Globes and Jennifer SNORE Anniston at the Oscars – really?

meryl oscars 2011 2Meryl-Streep-In-Lanvin-2013-Oscars

Meryl stole her own look from a couple of years ago….bless


There are always lots of these….same dresses year in year out…I’m so bored I could tear my eyes out

reese lv seen it beforeReese Witherspoon in LV….awful

helen hunt snoreHelen Hunt…what is going on with her face? Is that just too much surgery? Its WEIRD

garnerJennifer Garner in GUCCI looking like a skunk with its tail up….Its so god damn boring from the front and tacky can can girl from the back….the colour is so last year and the jewellry is wrong wrong wrong. I’m surprised as Jen usually gets it right….maybe she wanted Ben to shine!

ellie snore saabSandra Bullock wearing a dress we’ve seen a million times..snorarama…..borarama….blahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh

jennifer aniston snore zooe deschanel and why was she at the Oscars anyway? Like she’s ever gonna get one!


Number 1 – Jacki Weaver

jacqui weaver ohhh dear princesll line

I thought Jacki had got a stylist? This dress is just awful. the empire line is just not good on her at all. It does nothing for her waist and it just makes her boobs look like a seating area. I think its sad really because the top part is quite nice. The hair is a crime against humanity…who does half up and half down out of school? The $2 million in diamonds got completely lost. Still good on you for getting nominated Jacki…we do love you but we’d love you more if you got a good stylist on board.

Number 2.  Zoe Saldana in something horrific by someone horrific

zoe saldana alexis mabille horror

I saw this dress on the runway and it looked quite avant guarde and interesting but on her it just looks all wrong. The top is so different to the bottom its like there are two totally different conversations going on. The top is quite pretty but needed a straight column to work. The bottom is quite architectural and interesting but needed an equally architectural structured top. So its a big NO from me  – and just so you don’t think I’m being unfair….take a look at her Vanity Fair party dress

2013 Vanity Fair Oscar Party Hosted By Graydon Carter - Arrivals

See what I mean? No taste

Jennifer Lawrence in Dior Haute Couture

jenlaw in dior haute couture

Another controversial call but really this looks to me like she stole her Mums damask table cloth and made a nouveau bubble skirt dress out of it. Why do best actress nominees always try to look so bloody demure. I really hate this dress. It reminds me of  bad Bjork. I just don’t like anything about it. I know its old time haute couture and all but it doesn’t do it for me …however, her Calvin Klein liquid silver number at Vanity Fair partially redeemed her (oh and Oscar helped)


Ann Hathaway in Nipple Gate Couture

hathaway yuck
Three things come to mind when I look at this – Gwyneth’s ill fitting Ralph Lauren dress (also pink) when she won best actress, BIG PIG (for the apron factor) and what the hell is going on with your nipples girl. The fabric is creased, the jewelry all wrong for that neckline. I just don’t have a nice word to say about it…so I won’t. The pain kept coming at the after party too…this YSL dress making her look like a recovering anorexic

2013 Vanity Fair Oscar Party Hosted By Graydon Carter - Arrivals

Melissa McCarty

melissa mcarty not good in jersey

Ok who told her it was ok to wear Jersey to the Oscars and then to add insult to injury also told her that her hair would look great backcombed. As a voluptuous woman myself I can appreciate the difficulty in finding a dress that shows off your best assets but seriously did she look in the mirror at this sad grey dress gathered at all the wrong spots and think “yes that looks great”….I know I’m being harsh but last years was much better!  There is DEFINITELY  room for a really good larger figure couturier in LA…

melissa mcarthy

Kerry Washington in not sure – the coral horror

kerry washington

such a shame as she is such a pretty girl

Elizabeth Banks in McQueen technicolour yawn

2013 Vanity Fair Oscar Party Hosted By Graydon Carter - Arrivals

Kate Beckinsdale in a home craft project with very very bad hair

2013 Vanity Fair Oscar Party Hosted By Graydon Carter - Arrivals

Hailee Seinfeld

2013 Vanity Fair Oscar Party Hosted By Graydon Carter - Arrivals

I’m seeing Celine Dion overtones here…..


The Valley of the Dolls Look Alike Award

valley of the dolls adele

Adele – eventhough her stage dress looked like margaret thatcher meets an xmas bauble


sally field miu miu

Well folks that’s it for another year. I could bang on about many more dresses for many more hours but I think that about sums up the crucial stuff. Until we meet again may the fashion gods be good to you and you and you and you.



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