Oscars 2008 – Alice’s Fashion Wrap

Hello Family, Friends, Aquaintances and People who happen upon this yearly ramble of mine.

Yes it’s another year and therefore another Oscars Wrap. I’m still trying to wake up due to lack of sleep – that ceremony is just too bloody long! Lose the songs I say and the naff presenter (bring back Whoopee!!!!!). I did, however, have a helping hand this year with my study o red carpet (or the merlot carpet as the – scuze me whilst I gag – Ryan Seacrest called it) thanks to the heavenly IQ. Yes I managed to get most of my redcarpet analysis done prior to the big event!

Once again my ramble is rather long..surprise surprise! So feel free to read as much as you can bear and save the rest for when you are bored!

 I think this year was a tad disappointing over all. I’m still miffed by Angelina and Brad’s absence from the Ceremony. They say she wasn’t invited (can’t believe she didn’t get a nod for Mighty Heart which I felt was a fab peformance really!) but I mean HELLO she is the most newsworthy source in the universe (well there is sad tragic, make sure you put her in your dead pool this year, Brittney) so surely a presenting gig would have been appropriate…if Cameron Diaz can pop up EVERY year (without so much as a wiff of a nomination and purely placed for her good looks and yes ok her great personality) surely Angelina is worth the invite. I do LOVE that she announced her pregnancy the day before GO GIRL – get some of that limelight!

 And don’t even get me started about the cancellation of the Vanity Fair party….oh dear lord…what is the world coming to. I’ve always so loved the shots of Hollywood’s hangeroners elite doing the parties. Who can ever forget the shot of Pamela Anderson in white Men’s shirt tied at the waste  with the ‘oh i can see what you had for breakfast ho’ denim cut offs. Truly gold! And no stories like Courtney Love (gagging again) running after Russell Crowe’s limousine claiming she loved him! So sad ..so very very sad to have missed out on these nuggets of gold this year!

Not sure if any of you caught the E News red carpet footage but the Gary Busey interlude with Jennifer Garner and Laura Linney and flailing Ryan (sorry GAGGING) Seacrest was priceless!!!!!! Have some more drugs Gary! Too heaven. I notice he popped up in the TV Week red carpet show AND Dicky Wilkens pathetic red carpet intro show (anyone else noted how few stars come his way…even Nicole Kidman tried to avoid him).

 Ok on to the business end….fashion!!!!!!!!

As I said a tad boring after last year but I think there were plenty of absent fashionistas and that’s probably why…I missed Jenny from the block (suckling her twins no doubt) and Trudy Styler who I love love love. No Angie and No Susan Sarandon (who we just love for her political statements). Speaking of political statements THANK GOD Mike Moore didn’t win….did, however, LOVE his admitting that his suit (including tag still on it) came from the BIG AND TALL Men’s shop. Onya Mike!

 Without further ado….

THEMES

Long dresses, Strapless or over one shoulder (a few disastrous halter necks), Ponytails both messy (some a little too messy Miss Diaz) and structured, Wispy up do’s, Long flowing tresses, Fishtails, Skinny ties, Clutches, Bejewelled hairclips, Drop earings, DIAMONDS, flower and feather detailing and more black and red than the eye could bear. Oh and preggy bellies of course!

BEST DRESSED FEMALES

Well usually I have a top 5 in this category but this year I’m making it a top 7 and in no particular order as I think they were all as beautiful  (except for #1 b/c she truly stood out) as eachother. So I guess it wasn’t that dull really…..

#1 by a mile – MARION COTILLARD

I do feel that the overall winner had to be the best actress herself in HEAVENLY fish scaley Jean Paul (it’s been tooooo long) Gaultier. I just loved everything about this dress. The way it draped, the detail, the way her body moved in it and the colour – White! I just love a girl in white at the Oscars – normally not a BRAVE colour (well its not technically a colour is it..but for the purposes of this it shall moonlight as one) but it just made such a huge difference to see someone not in safe safe safe black. Her hair was just so gorgeous..very Rita Hayworth being pulled back on one side and I just adored the long chain. I really feel that she took a massive risk with this dress (think Bjork in Swan Dress or Celine Dion in backwards tux for risks that did NOT work) but pulled it off with aplomb. Also lovely to see frogs supporting frogs in a sea of Valentino, Dior (yawn), Galliano et al.

 

#2 – CATE BLANCHETT

Anyone else notice how Dicky Wilkens pronounced Blanchett (as in Blaaaanchit…you can take a boy out of)? Anyhoo it was all about belly’s this year (pity you didnt’ have your academy awards party in Australia Nel ..you would have fit right in!). Dries Van Noten did a terrific job of highlighting the glow of Miss Cate with a lovely silk cut royal purple silk empire line halter neck. LOVED the detail to the skirt…the beaded flowers… and the jewelry was spot on. The neck piece looked like it was part of the dress (love the use of lime green against royal purple..its an oh so right colour wheel perfect combo) and those drop earings were lovely. Loved the wispy pulled back hair (almost a ponytail but not quite)…wispy but not too casual (yes I’m referring once again to you Miss Diaz!). At first I have to admit to dissing the higher front hemline but after consideration have decided it was not only highly functional (can’t have very preggers lady toppling over on her frock now can we!) but that it visually worked and looked rather lovely. All her accessories…as per usual…worked worked worked…those rhinestone bracelets and the embellished silver shoe got full marks from me…we love ya Cate – you are so what Nicole Kidman will never ever be!

#3 Katherine Heigl

Now here’s a girl who knows how to work cocksucker red! Ok I know she, like La Klum who I’ll mention later….MUCH later, do like to don a bit of red to functions but instead of it being repetitive on her ( as I said I’ll talk about Countess Dracula Da Klum later) it was damn HOT. I just loved this one shoulder gown by Escada because it draped beautifully especially across the bust(even the slight train at the back worked for me) was very simple yet perfectly defined by the circle detail on the shoulder. The look was saltry, sexy, old Hollywood, Marilynesque classique chic. Loved the old Hollywood hair and the lips matched the dress…well done…about the only lady in red who matched her lipstick to perrrrrrfection. She may be soapy/pulp movie trash but I’m loving her more and more.

#4 Jessica Alba

Not usually a rave for Jessica …as i feel, like Eva Longoria Parker, she gets far too much publicity for her actual output and is frankly just a pretty object. Harsh but true! Anyway I digress….Jessica pregnant, like our Cate, looked glowalicious in her stunning  Marchesa plum coloured, (oh how those girls with bellies are lovin the hues o purple) empire line, strapless and feather embellished gown.  It draped beautifully. I thought she really looked great. Her skin was glowing. Her hair was lovely and her jewellry and ubiquitous clutch finished the look off nicely. I thought it odd how cryptic she was about her pregnancy (when asked the date she said “I’m actually not devulging that right now”…precious pumpkin..prolly planning on selling the shots to OK magazine) but you never know..there might be a wave of baby stalkers on the loose in la la land.

#5 Daniel Day Lewis’s wife Rebecca Miller

Ok it’s controversial but I really loved this outfit. I thought it was eccentric and very haute couture in a 1990’s melange glam kind of way. Perfect match for the ever eccentric Day-Lewis and is velvet bow tie. It smacked of Vivienne Westwood or Jean Paul Gaultier and could easily have been taken from Ms Styler’s wardrobe (see earlier comment about fashionistas). I just loved the massively oversized jet beaded brooch whacked on the front of her velvet bodice. The lacey arms and bustle skirt worked beautifully and the red rippon straps really topped it off. I did, however, have issues with the shoes …perhaps a black patent leather hoofer would have looked a bit better – perhaps some gorgy Christian Louboutin mighty high pumps! mmmm (sorry i’m dreaming for myself now). Juliana I’m guessing this would have been your pick for the night.

#6 Vanessa Paradis

Let’s face it ladies…how can you go wrong with Chanel HAUTE couture! The french version of Kylie Minogue (well she was in the 80s called the singing canary and even did an ad for Coco taking the piss out that by posing as a canary in a cage) looked gothic gorgeous in a black silk crepe gown with plunging neckline (adorned with delicious diamonds) and fab buttoned waist. Her porcelain skin meant the combination of said dress with cocksucker red lippy worked worked worked. The bed hair tresses added to the whole look. Another lady perfectly matched to her eccentric other half.

#7 Diablo Cody

What a devilicious dress! I normally aint a fan of the animal print (sorry Mum I know how you loved it!) but this dress really worked for me. I loved the embelished trim, the tattoo, the hair and yes there it is again…alabaster skin with cocksucker red lips …the lippy de jour for ladies who know how to work it. Very ‘out there’ for Dior really but a hit none the less. All credit to the lady as the writer of Juno…a truly feel good movie experience in a sea of miserable competition.

HONOURABLE MENTIONS

Hilary Swank – lovely one shoulder Versace gown with beautiful flower detail

Calista Flockhart – Well I hated this when i first saw it as I only saw it from waist up. It was in my blahhhh list but now I’ve seen the full frock I actually really like the drape and flow and contrasting colour of the dangly belt/scarf tie thingame. I still think she needs a boob job in a hurry but hey that’s just my humble opinion. Oh and there’s a bit too much nip showing in this shot!

Almost but not quite list

Kelly Preston – Well i must say I’ve loved that marigold yellow since Vera Wang did Michelle Williams heavenly frock a few years back in the same hue. It’s a sunny kind of frock – makes you feel happy just lookin at it (mind you if anyone dares paint a room in it you will make me hurl). Love the drape at the front and it does wonders for her jolie roberts. I also love the hair but something is missing and I can’t quite put my finger on it. Is it the colour of her hair..did she need a few highlights…perhaps she needed a stronger lippy (dare i say it but cocksucker red may well have worked) or a spray tan. Not sure why but its a slight miss.

Anne Hathaway

Now I know some of you are already saying “but I loved Anne she looked gorgeous..like and english rose”…and yes her dress was rather beautiful  – marchesa was fond of feather and flower embellishment this year…the flowers were amazingly detailed. I loved the colour and she has got beautiful alabaster skin BUT where was the matching lipstick? Seriously going with a wishy washy shade of reddy brown just washed out her face and I’m not absolutely sure about her pony tail either. I know I’m being fussy but hell someone’s gotta be.

Rene Zellweger

Ok when did the aliens invade and taker over her body. What is going on with this chick? Carolina Herrerra AGAIN! Big yes to the beading (lovely detail) but a big no to the creature wearing it. Oh my god the skin tone – all wrong. The hair – all wrong. The pout – all wrong. The body in that dress – all wrong. I would have put her on the worst dressed list only I do think the dress is beautiful and would look heaven on somebody else…Angie maybe.

Cameron Diaz

I just don’t think this girl ever truly gets it right on the night. I mean we all know she is hot, smiley as hell, great bod and personality to boot. However, there’s always something NQR. The hair FAR TOO CASUAL. We are not running along the beach in Malibu sweety! The dress – well it was quite lovely..strapless with a touch of structure… but the colour, especially on a blond, was far toooo blahhhhhhhh. Peach/pale pink/french manicure nude is a little washed out unless you are Halle Berry or Beyonce …know what I mean. Dior dress in dior pink! LOVED LOVED LOVED the clutch..but needed to be with a different dress!

Nicole Kidman

Our Nic…Its the first time I’ve seen a dress designed to make someone look pregnant. I don’t actually think she has a huge bump but boy was she wanting to show off what she had. Balenciaga AGAIN. I actually liked the dress even though it was in blahhhhhhhhhhhh black. It was elegant and classy but what the hell was that flashy diamond necklace about? Don’t get me wrong i LOVED the bling…best necklace of the night but did it go with that dress? I don’t think so. I think it looks like two looks cobbled together and it just didn’t work for me. And when did her hair go from reddy blond to that foul yellow colour? About the same time she lasered off all the freckles and thus became an albino? Lets not get onto the long haired lout. Honey you just aint ever gonna be Cate.

Jennifer Garner – Definitely the best of the black dresses. I liked the fishtail detail. Very Oscar De La Renta (I’m still dreaming about Sex in the City’s Carrie and that heavenly ODLR dress when she’s on the bed asleep in Paris). I also loved the diamonds and the hair. She looked very Grace Kelly BUT I have put her on this list because she was way too safe with the colour and the dress was a bit boring really.

 

The Best Young Filly Award

Without doubt this goes to Miley Cyrus  – all 15 years of her (yup that would be Billy Ray Cyrus’s little gal also known as Hannah Montana..the biggest thing for teenagers since the Olsen twins). I just loved the youthful simplicity and elegance of her beautifully designed Valentino gown. Loved the hair and LOVED the ruby earings. Strike a pose!

Worst dressed filly award

Again without doubt this goes to Saoirse Ronan from Atonement. The hideous Ireland green frock looked like it had come from Kmart  – definitley not Alberto Ferreti’s best work! Check out the hemline!

The too much going on award

Penelope Cruz – I loved her feather extravaganza last year but this year it was just all too much. You don’t know where to look really. And why wasn’t she on the arm of Javier????

Best Hair Award

Julie Christie. I just loved this mop o curls. You can tell that this lady has had a lot of good work done to look this youthful. I thought I was going to give her a gong for her dress too until I saw those very dodgy arm stocking things…and if you’re interested the designer was ….Julie Christie. Stick to acting love!

WORST DRESSED WOMEN

You could really go on for hours with this one..but as this epistle is getting far too long already I will keep it to the main three offenders.

#1 Jennifer Hudson – AGAIN!

Will someone shoot this gal’s stylist please! I feel somewhat of a traitor given my own rather over voluptuous bod BUT who puts a larger chick in a halter neck without a bra on? OH MY GOD. It was attack of the monoboob. And who thought it was a good idea to emphasize the disaster by dressing her in WHITE! The poor girl. Honestly she has probably got a really sexy body so dress her for it not against it. As for the overflow out the sides of the dress….shoot her stylist NOW! Who cares who designed it.

# 2 Dame Helen Mirren

This was one of the biggest disappointments of the night for me. Dame Hel is normally one of the best dressed older stateswomen usually giving the younger fillies a run for their money not last night. I’m not sure who told her that patching two different dresses together would look good but alas she believed it and quite frankly looked a fright night. The main part of the dress would have looked fab as a strapless with cleavage (her boobs are one of her best assets…so use them love) as it was a lovely red and beautifully cut but that crystal shrug attached to it was very very odd indeed.

#3 Tilda Swinton

What can I say…just plain ODD. One shoulder tent affair in blahhhhhhhh black with NO MAKEUP. Very mid 80s vibe going on. Something the chick in the Thomson twins would have worn. I know this gal loves to play the androgenous card but HONEY what were you seriously thinking? I seriously think that the crime she commited against fashion last night is possibly as bad if not worse than Celine Dion in the backwards tuxedo! I know its a big call but go on take a closer look at this dress. Lanvin apparently…..Jees let me buy one of their dresses in future NOT.

MOST ANNOYING OUTFIT

Heidi Countess Dracula Da Klum. Firstly I am so sick of this woman wearing red to EVERY function …its just plain BORING. Yes she is extremely beautiful but please sweety you are never gonna be royalty so stop trying to look like you are. The whole collar and train and hair…it just ponged of shameless self promotion and was way too austentatious AND the bag didnt’ match. I know she is auctioning it off for a charity which is very nice of her but I am pondering this…did she do it to help others or because she knew it would give her more publicity. Galliano Smamo….OVER IT!

BEST DRESSED MEN

Lets face it the men pretty much all look the same. There’s just not a lot you can do to jazz up a penguin suit. Ofcourse there’s a few exceptions every year so whilst this list is short …it’s sweet.

George Clooney

Ok I know his outfit wasn’t all that different – still a lovely lookin tux my boy – or unique but va va voom by god is he HOT HOT HOTTTTTTTT. I challenge you to find a woman who doesn’t think so and a man who isn’t insanely jealous of his complete package. He is to the naughties what Carey Grant was to the 50s! Suave, sophisticated, charming, funny, cheeky….one could go on forever. As for the arm accessory…was that a chinz curtain I spotted? Vintage Valentino…does that mean it didn’t sell back them so they kept in on ice incase it worked in the future..I’m here to tell you it didn’t. Nice hair though…lovely colour.

Johny Depp

Gotta love left of centre JD. Always puts his own stamp on an old classic. Lovin the ‘different’ bow tie. Lovely lady candy too.

Spike Lee

Not usually a fan of gangster chic but love this funky look with the white fedora and mr magoo type glasses … funky yet slick. He is the one on the left….nottttt Wesley Snipes.

Daniel Day Lewis

Hated the hair..what was it with the UK lads sporting long greesy hair (Colin Farrell yes I mean you)..anyhoo I love the trim to the lapels – he brought a bit of flair to an old classic but the bow tie needed to be straightened! Where was your PR on the night luv? Oh and I just saw the shoes….oops!

Javier Bardem

Jamon! Jamon! Loved the high lapels and the skinny tie. Euro chic style. Heaven and hot hot hot!!!!

As a result of the mens fashion being, for the most part, homogenous this year I can’t actually put together a worst mens list this year which I think is a good thing.

So with that I finally come to an end. If you have made it this far you are a champion and I’m a true fan! Here’s to a fab Oscars year in 2009 with the return of the fashionistas and the parties! Some women who are willing to take some risks  even if it just means boycotting black! And to the men – let’s hope some are willing to step outside of the square..be daring…have some fun.

Its been a privilege and an honour.

Alice Villella xxx